Retirement, here I come!

Yep, that’s right – I’m going to retire. No more working my backside off, no more doing any work for that matter. Me is going to get meself some butlers and housekeepers and cool gadgets that will make my already easy life even more easier.

Have I gone crazy? No.

Did the Queen of England, like, leave me all her fortune and make me the next Queen? Nope.  (I wish it would happen though. The crown jewels, not Prince William.)

Did I win a lottery? Heck, yeah!

Want the details? (See, that’s a redundant question – whether you want it or not, you’re so gonna get it anyway!) Here goes –

REFERENCE NUMBER:UK/786543X4/28
BATCH NUMBER:034/099/YX46
TICKET NUMBER:005-4432-971-878

ONLINE NOTIFICATION
We are pleased to inform you today of the result of the winners of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY ONLINE PROMO PROGRAMME, held today .

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of £1,000,000(One Million British pounds sterlings) in cash credited to file YL/26510460037/06.

To file for your claim, please contact our claims agent;

Dr. Pinkett Griffin
Email: claimsdept7@hotmail.com
TELL:+44 7045708136

Provide him with the information below:

1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:
3.Marital Status:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Nationality:
8.Country Of Residence:
9.Telephone Number:

Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this program.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Rose Wood

Now, please let me reiterate that this is not a hoax. Why?

– It has 3 sets of numbers that make no sense whatsover. Ergo, they must be valid.

– They quote my file number. Again, it’s a complex looking thing with slashes and codes and numbers. So it’s perfectly valid.

– It’s not from Zambia. We all know what those Zambian emails are all about, don’t we? This is UK. The Queen lives there, ya know. (Will you forget about William already!!)

– They’re not asking my bank account number or SSN or any such important details. So they must be pretty decent people, and cheating me is the last thing on their mind.

– I see a telephone number. Fake people don’t have telephone numbers.

– The email is signed Mrs.Rose Wood. Rose Wood is a nice name. Now if it were signed Mrs.Teak Wood, I should be very suspicious. But no, it’s Rose. Like in the Titanic. And Wood, like in Harry Potter’s first Quidditch captain, Oliver Wood.

So while I go make a long distance call and become rich, please to feel jealous/envious of me and my good fortune.

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29 thoughts on “Retirement, here I come!

  1. Dear Ms.T.Process,

    Now that you have won the lottery, it is important to start thinking about investing it wisely. To that end, may I suggest property? In particular, you need to buy property that can generate a steady stream of rental income, and allow you to live the life of the idle rich. Like that queen you mentioned.

    In particular, I have a bridge in San Francisco that I can sell you for a nominal sum of $200,000, payable in cash. Bridges, as you know, can generates lotsa lotsa tolls.

    Pictures of the property here:
    cheap bridge

    Please to revert asap.

    M/S. BPSK & Associates

    Like

  2. Did the Queen of England, like, leave me all her fortune and make me the next Queen?
    Personally, I would prefer JKR in the role of the person leaving me her fortune 😉

    That said, remember that Nigerians are as bad as Zambians. Apparently there are not so many princes in either countries as it seems from the emails.

    And now, the questions is, are you going to be a millionaire blogger?

    Like

  3. Except for a couple of clues, this looks legit:
    1. Well they seem to have seven (!) claim departments. Seven? You may want to send emails to claimdept1-6 at hotmail.com to see if the other six exist. If not, it is a hoax.
    2. Dr. Pinkett Griffin? Come on!

    Like

  4. Well.. well, I can personally send you the list of lotteries that I have “already won” from ten other similar adressess… (UK, Panama, US and what not!) suddenly yahoo id’s are not safe any more 😦

    Like

  5. Oh btw, did you get any invitation to accept some hundred million pounds to start an NGO? A colleague of mine, was sweet and naive enough to believe in the mail!! (They asked him to transfer 120 pounds to an account first, to receive the money!!)
    Jeez… new schemes everytime and they seem to work for many!!

    Like

  6. he he! i’ve ‘won’ lots of lotteries like this. wish atleast one of them could be for real, and i could take the rest of my life off from work! 🙂

    Like

  7. Once you collect your million ££££’s ( know this does not look as pleasing as the $$$’s symbol but fortunately Rose Wood is paying you £’s ) then why retire ?

    At work you can be as pesky as it can get and still people will smile at you. Cause hey !!! who dosn’t want to be pally with miss milli £ ?

    Appraisals… you can cut short the “Why this is such a great place to work..” speech from your boss with a .. I don’t care about the Bonus or Raise .. What else do you have which will make my job interesting ???

    So many wonderful things that you can do when you are not tied to the dough 🙂

    Perhaps another blog on life with the £ ‘s 😉

    Like

  8. I’m sure you must be a religious person, and plan on following the biblical principle of tithing on your gain. Although I’m not a minister, I’m married to one, and if you will just send the money to me, I’ll see that the church gets its fair share. I’ll retain a certain amount for administration purposes, of course.

    Trust me now.

    shirley buxton
    http://www.writenow.wordpress.com

    Like

  9. Ask your boss to read this blog and show him the emails , he will treat you more respect that u r a multi millionaire in the making, lol.

    Better still you are right on the money …to consider early retirement , after all its signed by someone having a nice name a M/s Rose Wood in this case, lol

    Like

  10. Priyank – 🙂

    BPSK – Dear Mr.BPSK,

    Many thanks for your interest in my investment options. Unfortunately, I already have my heart set on the Statue of Liberty. I’ve got some very good quotes for the same which I intend to pursue in earnest. If all else fails, I will keep your offer in mind.

    Thanks again,
    TP.

    Amey – Oh no no. JKR is JKR. Royalty is a different deal (ask a certain Princess that we both know). 😉

    Like

  11. Arun K – 🙂 Concentrate on the positives! Rose Wood is a good name. Always reminds me of Kate Winslet. 🙂

    Max – heh heh, not to worry monsieur! I have a seperate set of Email IDs just for receiving spam. I wasn’t born yesterday you know 🙂

    Rusty N – Yikes! high time people became a bit more careful. My mantra in all these things? Money never came easy. Ever. 🙂

    Like

  12. PI – come, let’s start the millionaire’s club or something. I’ll be President, you be the Chairman. 😉

    Princess – Tag?!!! WHAAA?!!!! This is a no tag zone. woe to ye, princess. 😐

    TopCat – yes yes, they all sound like very good ways to get my esteemed self fired. thank you very much. with colleagues like you, who needs enemies? 😦

    Like

  13. Princess – I laughed my head off reading 11’s comment 😀 here I am winning a lottery and guess who turns up and for what? 😉 jeez..

    For the record, Ms.Buxton, I don’t tithe but I sure am married to one who does 😀

    Manoj – That gun is a fake. Evidently.

    Vinod – Do I look like a schmuck? If I win, I’m going into hiding first.

    Like

  14. Ganesh – Yeah, either early retirement or slog till the day I die 😦

    Princess – Look who’s talking!!! :-\

    Harish – Join the club! 🙂

    Rohit – Wow. Have you retired yet? btw, I’m the only one on this blog who can post links to one’s own posts. 🙂

    Like

  15. hmmmm…. the file number mentioned here, reminds me of a ‘fortune’ cookie that popped up on my computer recently. It read “You are not a number here. You are 3 numbers followed by a dash, then two numbers, another dash and four numbers”.

    Wow, talk about retarded scams. Sometimes i think, people who respond to these emails are supposed to be scammed anyway. How dumb can you get ?

    By the way, i am still waiting to hear from the chappie from Zambia. I replied back with a few questions…………

    Like

  16. Priya,

    I am not sure who was giving you quotes for the Statue of Liberty when it really belongs to me. Since we are in a recession right now, I even have a promo going on – I can also give you the Brooklyn Bridge for half-price! All for just 999,999 pounds!

    Btw, why does your marital status matter to the lottery guys?

    Like

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