TV Women..(sing to the tunes of ‘Pretty Woman’. can’t? did you even try? Liar!)

We watch a lot of TV. It irritates a lot of people (read: one person) at home, but what the heck, a girl’s gotta have her TV, right? Since we’re particulary out of blog-topics for a while now, we’re going to discuss the women we watch on TV everyday. All 3 of us, yes. We’re also going one step further and categorizing these women into ‘like’, ‘not like’, ‘undecided’, ‘luurve’, etc. It’s a useless post, so please feel free to walk out at any time. No offence taken, ok? (Yeah, you think?)

And oh, if you do watch the following shows you’ll either get sick and tired of clicking all the links or you’ll get sick and tired of clicking all the links : Grey’s Anatomy, Ally McBeal, Bionic Woman, Desperate Housewives, Ghost Whisperer, Ugly Betty, House MD, X Files, Buffy the vampire slayer, Sex and the City, Brothers & Sisters.

We don’t like Meredith Grey. It’s not fair that an entire show revolves around her and her relationship with other married doctors (aka McDreamy). And for the world of me, I don’t know why McDreamy appears so doggone crazy about her! Seriously dude, you have to get a life.

Ally McBeal is weirdness incarnate. Only surpassed ofcourse by John Cage. I don’t think normal people have dancing baby hallucinations. I wonder why she’s never been to a shrink. Or has she?

We like Jamie Sommers. She’s cute and she can kick backsides. And she has bionic body parts that give her superhuman strength (at times). We like the idea of women with superhuman strength. But sorry, mine can only be used for good.

We’re undecided about Niki Sanders. We both suffer from MPD – does that explain my undecidedness?

We like Cuddy. We especially like the way House snubs her. Which is why she’s here on the list even though she’s not the star of the show.

We really like Dana Scully. She was our first TV hero (X-Files being our first grown-up series after FRIENDS and assorted cartoons including, but not limited to, Tom & Jerry, Popeye and Roadrunner). She’s smart (like us), looks good (again, like us) and she’s in the FBI! FBI’s not as cool as it sounds eh? Whatever.

We like Melinda Gordon. She’s spooky and can talk to ghosts. We get scared at times, but we hang on to dear husband and get through it. We absolutely adore her clothes. Even when they seem completely out of place in a sequence. Yes, we are crazy like that.

We don’t like Buffy. She’s just too frivolous! Yeah, even when she’s hunting down vampires with her lame sidekicks.

We’re again undecided about Carrie Bradshaw. We find her funny and level-headed at times, but we’re really really jealous of all her shoes. Who wouldn’t be?! (Imelda Marcos might not be, but we’re not her). Her friends are fun too. Her boyfriends? Naah.

We absolutely luurve Betty Suarez. She makes everyone feel good about themselves, doesn’t she? We want her to kick Wilhemina all the way to hell and become the Chief Editor of Mode. Daniel can be her secretary. (There’s a reason why we don’t write stories for drama series like this.)

We don’t mind Kitty Walker. But we just can’t get Ally out of our minds when we’re watching her! Go figure.

We like Bree, like Lynette, don’t like Susan (same reason why we don’t like Meredith Grey), like Gabrielle and don’t mind Edie.

There are other pretty and not-so-pretty ladies out there on TV whom we watch (notice how we’re on first name basis with most of ’em?). We might’ve missed some out of this list (mostly because it’s dinner time and my brain refuses to think about anything but F O O D) but we’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of them for entertaining us the way they do.

The men are conspicuous by their absence? Yes. That was the intention.

Movies, Roadies and Mazes. And a hoax. And ofcourse, a darn Monday.

Yes, one is still here working and doing all those mundane things that not-so-rich people do. I called that UK number (which was not fake) and left a message (which seemed very very very suspicious). One waits patiently for a call.

In other news, I saw Jodha Akbar. Hrithik was good, so was Aishwarya. But the direction? It’s hard to believe this movie was made by the same guy who made Lagaan. The scenes are very amateurish, the camera work downright shoddy – so much so, in some scenes I could see the camera’s shadow on the screen!! Seriously, that’s good camerawork? And the battle scenes were pathetic. It’s like the director does not know that there exists technology which can create miracles with battle scenes – does one not remember 300? or Troy? Pathetic. But the saving grace were the actors and the story. I liked it. The length gets to you during one or two songs, otherwise it’s not so bad. ARR has outdone himself (no surprises there!) yet again. On a scale of 1-10, I’d give this a 6.

In some other news, did you happen to watch the MTV Roadies 5.0 Journey this weekend? One of the tasks was a quiz, to be answered by 5 girls and helped in a different way by 5 guys. Get this – only 1 in those 5 girls knew who the President of the country was. And their excuse? One of them said she lives in a hostel and hence does not have access to a newspaper. You know how we laughed at a certain English woman (aka Jade Goody) who thought the Sistine Chapel was painted by Pistacchio? Or how we laughed at some Americans when they couldn’t find their own country on a map? Well, we’re not all that great either. We do have some schmucks in our own house. And for the question ‘Where’s the highest cricket ground in the world?’, one said Bangalore and another said Malaysia. Go figure.

Now that we’ve cleared up the two most interesting events of the past week(s?), we move on to the usual useless programming.

– It happens all the time. There will always be one loser in the cinema hall who will read every single thing on screen (repeat, EVERY SINGLE READABLE CHARACTER ON SCREEN), out loud. Yes, we’re all illiterate blind gits sitting there, unable to read English and we need His Loudness to help us out.

– Aforementioned loser will sit one row behind me. So will the other loser who refuses to turn his mobile phone off (or put it on silent mode) and worse, proceeds to answer every single call (and he happened to get a dozen) and worser still, talks for 5 whole minutes in the crassest possible voice, with the slangest possible of Hindis. I should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for the sole reason that I let these two live.

– People still drink Diet Coke. Seriously. They should officially declare ‘Diet Coke’ an oxymoron.

– I don’t know about the PVR Cineplexes in other cities, but the one in Hyderabad is a maze. It’s also a veritable death trap in case of a fire. Exit signs won’t be visible even under an electron microscope. If there’s a fire and you’re on the 5th floor, the only way out is to jump down to your death. Really.

– I was kidding about the retirement, ofcourse.

– And apparently Ms.Rose Wood was kidding about the lottery too.

Retirement, here I come!

Yep, that’s right – I’m going to retire. No more working my backside off, no more doing any work for that matter. Me is going to get meself some butlers and housekeepers and cool gadgets that will make my already easy life even more easier.

Have I gone crazy? No.

Did the Queen of England, like, leave me all her fortune and make me the next Queen? Nope.  (I wish it would happen though. The crown jewels, not Prince William.)

Did I win a lottery? Heck, yeah!

Want the details? (See, that’s a redundant question – whether you want it or not, you’re so gonna get it anyway!) Here goes –

REFERENCE NUMBER:UK/786543X4/28
BATCH NUMBER:034/099/YX46
TICKET NUMBER:005-4432-971-878

ONLINE NOTIFICATION
We are pleased to inform you today of the result of the winners of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY ONLINE PROMO PROGRAMME, held today .

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of £1,000,000(One Million British pounds sterlings) in cash credited to file YL/26510460037/06.

To file for your claim, please contact our claims agent;

Dr. Pinkett Griffin
Email: claimsdept7@hotmail.com
TELL:+44 7045708136

Provide him with the information below:

1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:
3.Marital Status:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Nationality:
8.Country Of Residence:
9.Telephone Number:

Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this program.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Rose Wood

Now, please let me reiterate that this is not a hoax. Why?

– It has 3 sets of numbers that make no sense whatsover. Ergo, they must be valid.

– They quote my file number. Again, it’s a complex looking thing with slashes and codes and numbers. So it’s perfectly valid.

– It’s not from Zambia. We all know what those Zambian emails are all about, don’t we? This is UK. The Queen lives there, ya know. (Will you forget about William already!!)

– They’re not asking my bank account number or SSN or any such important details. So they must be pretty decent people, and cheating me is the last thing on their mind.

– I see a telephone number. Fake people don’t have telephone numbers.

– The email is signed Mrs.Rose Wood. Rose Wood is a nice name. Now if it were signed Mrs.Teak Wood, I should be very suspicious. But no, it’s Rose. Like in the Titanic. And Wood, like in Harry Potter’s first Quidditch captain, Oliver Wood.

So while I go make a long distance call and become rich, please to feel jealous/envious of me and my good fortune.