…so goes the tag line for Richard and Rachael Heller’s ‘The 13th Apostle’. And trust me, that forms by far the most interesting line in the entire book. That single line right there on the cover.
The short review –
Utterly hopeless, worthless, uninteresting and uninspired work of fiction ever to see the light of day.
The not-so-short review –
Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve officially read the most crappiest novel ever to be written by mankind. The authors (yes, it took two to stage this travesty) claim that if you liked ‘Da Vinci Code’ you’ll like this one too. I beg to differ. If you have read any book by any good English author out there, rest assured you’ll find this horribly boring and cliched and all those things.
This story is another take at misinterpreting the unexplained or unsatisfactorily-proven parts of the life of Jesus Christ (who else!). I’m seriously wondering what it is about Jesus that people find so hard to believe that every budding author out there wants a go at proving he was not what he is made out to be! Seriously people, it’s getting old. Try something newer!
The hero, Gil Pearson, here is a software geek who works for an internet security firm. The concepts of technology are too made up to be believable and if the authors think they can impress people with big words that don’t quite mean anything, well, they’re grossly mistaken. So the hero is pulled into a search for an ancient relic, a scroll, that supposedly contains the gospel written by a 13th Apostle of Christ (for the uninitiated, Christ had 12 Apostles) which, as it is with all fiction these days, didn’t make it to the Bible. And this scroll has information that could devastate Christianity as a faith. Anything new there, folks? Nope!
And since it’s against a religion, there are obviously a whole bunch of bad guys who can’t let the world see the scroll. Add to that a fanatic Muslim group that badly wants people to see this scroll and denounce Christianity. So Gil teams up with an Israeli translator, Sabbie Kraim, and goes on a quest for the hidden scroll. How they find it, what they do with it and what does the scroll actually contain forms the rest of the farce..er..story I mean.
The reason I didn’t like this book at all is because it sounds very very amateurish. The sentence structures, the descriptions, the flow – everything is amateurish. It’s as if they had something called ‘A Guide to writing a book like Da Vinci Code’ and followed it word for word. The storyline is wafer thin and the authors do nothing to reinforce it and carry it along. I started skipping entire pages in between and I assure you, I didn’t miss the story at all. Remember those hyped up movies where a song comes just before the climax scene just for the heck of having a song? Well, most scenes and encounters in this book are like that – they’re there because the authors think the reader would expect that particular exchange there. Which, for me, is against the whole point of writing good fiction. If I read what I expect to read, why would I enjoy the book?! I want to read the unexpected. And this book is definitely not on those lines.
So if you see this book on a bookshelf, do yourself a favor and keep moving!