YesYemYes

Whoever wrote about the 4 yugas in Hindu Scriptures – Satya, Treta, Dwapara and Kali – missed one. SMS Yuga. It’s all pervading, omnipotent and definitely omnipresent. Any human being worth his salt has to have the ability to send and receive SMS. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to answer the phone when it rings or how to make calls – SMS is all ye know and all ye need to know!

Some FAQs on SMS and their ‘usefulness’ –

What is SMS? – Wiki will tell you that SMS stands for Short Message Service. That’s far from being true. For starters, in this age of free SMS, there is nothing called short. It’s only extra long (XL), medium extra long (MXL) and extra extra long (XXL). It is used to let your friends know that you are eating a burger right now and the mayo is dripping onto your hands. Or to let your mom know that you’re in your room studying when you’re actually in a movie theatre watching a sleazy flick for the 17th time. Very useful, this SMS.

What do I gain by using SMS? – The gains from SMS are many.

– It improves your ability to type with your eyes closed. This arises from the fact that frequent SMSing can erase the numbers/alphabets off the keypad of your phone. So you go purely by touch and feel. Comes in very handy when if you’re blind.

– The second use is you don’t have to learn shorthand ever in your life. All those weird symbols to take notes fast? Toss them into note-takers’ hell. Tis gr8 2 b typng in d nw shrthnd n tis vv kewl evntho it drvs 1 mad.

– All services starting from laundry to your kids’ daycare – they’re all available over SMS. You only have to make note of the numbers to send the SMS to. Like if you want the Taj Mahal to be part of the 7 wonders, SMS ‘TAJ’ to 4567. Get the drift?

What’s the downside of using SMS?

– Very minor effects like complete loss of social skills since SMS is your language of communication while the rest of the world uses something called ‘speech’ which is done using one’s mouth, as opposed to hands.

– People around you could beat you to death if they get cheesed off with your mobile phone incessantly beeping whenever you get an SMS.

– You forget the concept of spelling in English. Ergo, you can never participate in the National Spelling Bee contests (even if your life depended on it).

Some things I can do with SMS?

– Make Taj Mahal one of the 7 wonders of the world.

– Ask Anamika on Ladies Colony (Radio Mirchi 98.3 FM idhi chaala hot guru) that you want to host a kitty party and would she please come?

– Humor those schmucks on NDTV and CNN-IBN by actually responding to their SMS polls on earth-shattering “d’uh” topics like “Is the BCCI incompetent?”

– SMS ‘ugly’ to 8788 to get beauty tips

– SMS ‘obese’ to 9899 to lose 20 kgs in 1 week flat. (Just send the SMS, forget dieting and exercises – that’s just for neanderthals!)

What if I have some sense and decide not to use SMS?

– You will be the first of your kind. And probably the last too.

– The Taj Mahal might not be one of the 7 wonders of the world.

– You’re not eligible to win a free ticket to ‘Sivaji’ sponsored by Radio Mirchi 98.3 FM idhi chaala hot guru.

– You cannot have your say in important polls like “What’s the best way to get rid of stray cattle meandering down Punjagutta junction?”

– You cannot send a message like ‘nee venum da chellam’ for your girlfriend over Sun Music. (But doesn’t really matter so much ‘coz she would’ve already broken up with you for spelling her name in SMS shorthand the last time.)

– There are chances that you’ll sound very antediluvian when you spell words the way they’re supposed to be spelt. And people will actually understand what you write.

So, ladies and gentlemen, contrary to popular belief, we’re done with Kaliyuga already. We’re right now traversing SMSyuga, which is a gazillion times worse than Kaliyuga. Don’t believe me? SMS ‘SHOW ME’ to 988394888383293 exactly 25 times – and if that didn’t blow a hole in your wallet, do it again.

Disclaimer: All numbers specified above false and fictional. Any resemblance to any number active or inactive is purely coincidence. SMS at own risk. Do not drink and drive. Shake well before use. Smoking is injurious to health. Replace receiver in cradle after use. Thank you and please visit again.

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19 thoughts on “YesYemYes

  1. nice write-up 🙂

    you forgot one use of smsing…

    all those crap saas-bahu serials! agar aap sochte hain ki bahu ko saas ko thappad marna chahiye, to type kijiye A aur bhej dijiye 22222 par….agar aap sochte hain ki yeh ekdam galat baat hai, to type kijiye B aur bhejiye isi number par…

    and all those singing programmes, where all those young boys and girls show their talent and their career depends on smses from the public…

    Like

  2. ITW – O yeah, how did I forget those singing contests!! 🙂

    Priya I – Me no watching saas-bahu serials, so hey, if you say so 😉 and yeah, I should have added the one on singing contests..

    Like

  3. Hilarious!
    I’m glad someone finally did this post. Now there’s just orkut…

    🙂

    Pardon the short comment. I haven’t been here in a while, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

    🙂
    😦
    😉
    😡
    😮

    Sorry, couldn’t resist. 😉

    Like

  4. Voltfarce – That’s exactly the kind of thing an SMS-user would say 😉

    Princess – Look who decided to grace my blog! 😉 It’s ok, you carry on with the smiley-trying and I’ll carry on trying to write ‘I rock’ with your pixie dust! 🙂

    Like

  5. Leuved it !! 😀
    loffing laudly-but-naat-so-laudly 😀 😛

    SMS is also used to pass on the leaked-out questions, from the next day’s examination q paper, to your classmates 😐

    Like

  6. kids these days use sms lingo in their answer sheets when they run out of time… 😐

    habit-forming this sms lingo-thingy….I have managed to keep them out of this comment 😛

    Like

  7. Nithya – Oh, you ppl use it for that also? too much. Looks like I’m tech-challenged! 😦

    Me – Long live souls like you, Mr.Me! 🙂

    Princess – Oh yes, I read that too – hits the nail on the head type of post 🙂

    Pingu – Thanks for keeping the sms-lingo out! I once read an entire post on some blog where the person had written it in sms lingo…’I died reading’ is an understatement 😦

    Like

  8. Well, I use sms-lingo too…but only with ppl (people, if u insist ;)) who I expect will understand it…or in yuhin aise hi stuff…mails to my friends or some comments on my blog…
    I’m not allergic to sms-lingo anymore…I’ve just got used to it…and it isn’t as if it’s made me completely forget English as she is wrote! 😛

    I have a post on my blog…the very first one actually, which is written entirely in sms- lingo because it was a reproduction of a series of SMSes.I put it up for a select audience really…I do not say “Come ye come all” to all and sundry and make them read my posts… nobody is under any obligation to plough their way through something that doesn’t make sense to them! 🙂 There are several posts/blogs that I’ve read which are sans sms-lingo and still give me that ‘I died reading’ feeling 😀

    Like

  9. nice read!! 🙂
    he he..yea people do use sms s for leaking questions and to send answers to others during exam!! (Don’t question me :P)

    and yea the sms lingo sucks totally…..i ll never use it even if my life depended on it….hmm..ill rephrase that to i ve never used it yet!!

    Like

  10. This is funny – When I came to US for the first time, I had to call this 1-800 toll free number. The ad or whatever said call 1-800 – CALLME (not a real number!!). I hardly had a clue what that meant. I had not come out of the SMS hangover and ended up calling 1-800-2222555555633 instead of 1-800-2255!! You can figure out what the long number is!!!

    Like

  11. Pingu – dear me, someone’s took it to heart! 😦 oye, let me admit – its pretty intel to use shortforms and still keep it sane on sms coz the chars allowed are less. 🙂 relax now, dearie.

    Neha – Thx, Neha. and yes, lets not even think about Orkut 😉

    Sharan – ‘Yet’ will be very apt, yes 🙂

    Biofreak – wow, you had such a traumatic experience indeed! 😉

    Like

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