The way they work…

I’m out of ideas for my next post (yes, yes, go party. But I will come back with a vengeance, mind you). So what did I do? Recycle, ofcourse!

The following post was originally published on January 14, 2006 A.D. Although it was very warmly welcomed on the blogger’s erstwhile mainstay blog (on Yahooo 360), it did not have any impact on the blogger’s current mainstay blog (this blog). Hence the re-attempt (apart from other sundry reasons).

Also, please note that the content and language of this post is from early 2006 A.D. and might be out-dated as of today. By the time you finish the post you would also realize how much the blogger has grown over the past 1 year with respect to this blog and blogging, in general.

Some things I’ve learnt after god-knows-how-many (B/T/K)ollywood movies…

1. If the engagement ceremony of the hero’s sister is shown with unusual aplomb and fanfare (with a song in which the hero has to sing his sister’s praises and dance), then the marriage will not happen due to some horrible reason and/or the sister will die in very sad conditions. This is, however, not applicable to Suraj Barjatya movies – his movies are all one big ceremony after the other.

Corollary – If the hero has a sister, she will be raped by the villian and/or she will die.

2. If anybody wearing spectacles removes them, someone has just died or been diagnosed as a terminally ill cancer patient. It will usually be someone closely related to the hero.

3. It’s perfectly normal for the hero and heroine to jump around and dance – even in the middle of Mount Road.

4. Even if the hero is a pauper, he will wear jeans and his jeans will be a Levi/Lee/CK..worst case Pepe. Don’t even get me started on the shoes.

5. All ghosts will wear a white saree and leave their hair untied (all ghosts are female unless specifically picturised otherwise). They will generally loiter around at exactly 12 o’clock outside the heroine’s house. They will also sing creepy-tuned songs – and the heroine will scream only after the song ends.

6. The villian has to give a big speech to the hero (who’s help captive) about how he managed to do all that he did (the hero was dumb enough not to know) and then boast about killing him finally. This will give time for the hero to send eye-signals to the side-kick to do something equally stupid and get out.

7. Whenever the hero comes to see the heroine (jumping gates and climbing walls) just like that, he will not be caught. However, the day he comes to take the heroine with him, the heroine’s dad will see him and catch him or atleast chase him to the nearest tall building/hill-top temple (depending on whether the movie is in the city or a village).

8. The hero’s side-kick will be dumber than the hero, but smarter than the villian (read point 6). The villian’s side-kicks will have an IQ of a teaspoon.

9. If the heroine’s dad wants to send her abroad (because she loves the hero ofcourse), visa formalities will happen overnight. Flight tickets also will be booked (and confirmed actually) overnight – even to the USA! It will mostly be USA. Or Canada.

10. Heroines cannot commit suicide. They just will not die – someone is usually around to kick the door open and take them to the hospital.

Phew!

P.S: Bless the soul who put an entry in Wiki for Mount Road!

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9 thoughts on “The way they work…

  1. You know, there’s something about your blog that makes it so different from all the others, though I can’t quite put my finger on it….
    Y’know those refreshing gusts of wind that poet keep nattering about? Yes, Thought Process is something like that.

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  2. Princess! You know I think the very same about Pixie Dust? 🙂

    Wish you could put your finger on it though.. I’d make sure it stayed put 😉

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  3. u missed one!!!

    whenever any good guy gets hit by a car or a truck if he had been brought in 5 minutes later he would have died!!

    and yea friends updated!! 😛

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  4. U missed out on another one too…

    It takes only 2 mts for the villain to collapse and die, when stabbed/shot..But it takes only 2 mts for the hero to gain back his strength and fight against every single baddy in the grp, wen stabbed/shot..And he survives in the end obviously, watever be the depth of the penetrated bullet (in the body of the hero)…A few Rhona-Dhona family customs and traditions have to be strictly adhered to, of course..

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  5. When the hero and heroine are dancing in the middle of a road, everyone who meets them falls in tune and starts dancing with them. Wonder of wonders!

    And, when the heroine’s dad requires blood transfusion, only the hero’s blood group will match. The hero whom daddyji had heartily despised.:-)

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  6. Sharan, Nithya – Iyo! enna vittudungo! theriyaama ezhudheeten! or maybe theriyaama ezhudha vittuten! 😉

    Me – ille? naanum adhe dhaan nenachen! 🙂 ipdiye pona US poi sendhudalaam pola.. visa venda oru mannum venda! 😉

    Priya – Yes, you are now ready for your PhD on Indian movies 😉 come, lets go for the convocation together!

    TopCat – 🙂 thanks! and please do visit again!

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  7. Ha!
    Well, I guess that pretty much covers the type-ridden films in our country. my own two paise for your thoughts… how about the exasperatingly predictable supporting characters!!

    i guess that could be another delightful post from you!

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