I’m out of ideas for my next post (yes, yes, go party. But I will come back with a vengeance, mind you). So what did I do? Recycle, ofcourse!
The following post was originally published on January 14, 2006 A.D. Although it was very warmly welcomed on the blogger’s erstwhile mainstay blog (on Yahooo 360), it did not have any impact on the blogger’s current mainstay blog (this blog). Hence the re-attempt (apart from other sundry reasons).
Also, please note that the content and language of this post is from early 2006 A.D. and might be out-dated as of today. By the time you finish the post you would also realize how much the blogger has grown over the past 1 year with respect to this blog and blogging, in general.
Some things I’ve learnt after god-knows-how-many (B/T/K)ollywood movies…
1. If the engagement ceremony of the hero’s sister is shown with unusual aplomb and fanfare (with a song in which the hero has to sing his sister’s praises and dance), then the marriage will not happen due to some horrible reason and/or the sister will die in very sad conditions. This is, however, not applicable to Suraj Barjatya movies – his movies are all one big ceremony after the other.
Corollary – If the hero has a sister, she will be raped by the villian and/or she will die.
2. If anybody wearing spectacles removes them, someone has just died or been diagnosed as a terminally ill cancer patient. It will usually be someone closely related to the hero.
3. It’s perfectly normal for the hero and heroine to jump around and dance – even in the middle of Mount Road.
4. Even if the hero is a pauper, he will wear jeans and his jeans will be a Levi/Lee/CK..worst case Pepe. Don’t even get me started on the shoes.
5. All ghosts will wear a white saree and leave their hair untied (all ghosts are female unless specifically picturised otherwise). They will generally loiter around at exactly 12 o’clock outside the heroine’s house. They will also sing creepy-tuned songs – and the heroine will scream only after the song ends.
6. The villian has to give a big speech to the hero (who’s help captive) about how he managed to do all that he did (the hero was dumb enough not to know) and then boast about killing him finally. This will give time for the hero to send eye-signals to the side-kick to do something equally stupid and get out.
7. Whenever the hero comes to see the heroine (jumping gates and climbing walls) just like that, he will not be caught. However, the day he comes to take the heroine with him, the heroine’s dad will see him and catch him or atleast chase him to the nearest tall building/hill-top temple (depending on whether the movie is in the city or a village).
8. The hero’s side-kick will be dumber than the hero, but smarter than the villian (read point 6). The villian’s side-kicks will have an IQ of a teaspoon.
9. If the heroine’s dad wants to send her abroad (because she loves the hero ofcourse), visa formalities will happen overnight. Flight tickets also will be booked (and confirmed actually) overnight – even to the USA! It will mostly be USA. Or Canada.
10. Heroines cannot commit suicide. They just will not die – someone is usually around to kick the door open and take them to the hospital.
P.S: Bless the soul who put an entry in Wiki for Mount Road!