No, not talking about my own. Well, at least, not in so many words. The daily commute from home to workplace and back takes it’s toll on one’s body and mind. The most affected, ofcourse, is the mind. Why? Because the mind is constantly on overdrive trying to make sense out of the chaotic surroundings (otherwise known as deathly traffic, arising mainly due to neanderthals under the garb of sophistication, behind steering wheels), and bring a semblance of sanity to the entire journey. It’s not easy, I tell you. As if your self-consciousness was not enough, you also have to keep abreast of the latest styles of handbags, footwear, salwars, jeans and tops that the rest of the office is wearing. When best to do that other than on your commute!
After attire-checking-out-ing (I’ve given up on my vocabulary, bear with moi please), the other hugely popular time pass for someone on a commute is a game of Who’s-Got-The-Most-Yucky-Lanyard. It’s simple enough and enormously time-passy. And this can be played in and around any office space that has at least one other human being other than yourself wearing their corporate ID cards on a lanyard. And as a person who has successfully completed a zillion commutes, I’ve seen the best and worst of them all. So much so, I could write a thesis on it. Pity I ‘m not doing anything even close to a post graduation (or just even education!) which would expect a thesis from me.
Well then, getting to the point, there are a million different types of lanyards. Ok, so not a million. But at least 20,000 types exist. From the completely harmless single string hapless looking one to the 5cms wide yellow colored I’m-a-clown-look-at-my-lanyard one – they’re all there! And some poor soul is wearing one right now (and we convey our heartfelt sympathies to him/her) at the risk of looking like a, well, a cross between a clown and a pet. A lovable pet who goes around with a yellow leash around its neck.
It’s not so much the size of the lanyard that matters. It all comes down to the color, IMHO. Honestly, the I-look-like-a-clown lanyard wouldn’t be so gross if it had been, say, white! Where it could just blend into your shirt. Or you could be wearing a black shirt and completely throw my argument out of gear. Ah well. Happens. One wonders why some corporates insist on blinding colors like lemon yellow, Ferrari red, Fanta orange or candy-floss pink! Whatever happened to human rights?! If I were ever made to wear one of those monstrosities, I swear I’ll quit! (Understandably, that’s a blatant exaggeration. I won’t quit. I’ll come right back to this very blog and post my rant and expect you all to leave me sympathetic comments. Just so you know.)
But what sometimes gets my gall is people wearing these things for their mobile phones. I mean, when you have a choice between looking smart and looking like a dumb fool, what would you choose? Honestly! It’s a pain on the eyes, people! It’s a veritable pain on the eyes to see pink, red and yellow colored ribbons hanging around your necks and if this is your idea of cool, then you’re probably living in the wrong century.
The whole thing reminds me of what my aunt says everytime she sees my ID card – ‘Doesn’t it make you feel like a dog?’. Yes Auntie, it sure does. And that’s why it’s safely hidden inside my purse. (I still have the lanyard mind you, otherwise the poor ID card would drown in the deluge of crap that is my purse.) You wouldn’t catch me dead (or alive) wearing it around my neck. I’m not stupid, ya know. At least not as much as you think.