What’s a pronoun?

I couldn’t resist posting this – read it in the newspaper today and it’s been on my mind ever since. Around 5 people have already asked me why I suddenly start laughing. I said ‘Nothing’, but I know they don’t believe me. It’s that look you give when you see a nut.

calvin_pronoun

Like I said, I saw this in the paper today (The Hindu, Metro Plus supplement) and I first thought of just putting the dialogues without the image. Then I thought I’d try my luck with Google – searched for ‘Calvin pronoun’ and this was the third search result. I think Google can read minds.

One click led to another and I found a treasure trove of such strips!! So…

gymclass

Say hello to Moe everyone – this is his first time on my blog. Moe is the prototypical bully character in Calvin & Hobbes, “a six-year-old who shaves” who is always shoving Calvin against walls, demanding his lunch money and calling him “Twinky”. Moe is the only regular character who speaks in an unusual font: his (frequently monosyllabic) dialogue is shown in crude, lower-case letters. Watterson describes Moe as “every jerk I’ve ever known”. (Source: Wikipedia )

I like the name ‘Twinky’ – LOL!

toaster

Now where did that bread go after all?! Weird!

Image Source: Internet

To Monday

Oh! how I wish I had the flu
To miss office on a Monday blue.
Jealous of my neighbor – the housewife unseen,
And so I became a monster green.
Yellow it is, the day of Woden –
Two more to go, two have been trodden.

Thirsty for red, but I only get orange.
Now isn’t it a pity! Nothing rhymes with orange.
Red as in fun, red as in Fridays
Red as in the last of all the weekdays

Let’s go to the movies, let’s have some fun,
It’s the day of Saturn, all said and done.
God rested on Sunday and so will I,
It will be Monday again and all I can do is sigh!

Oh poor Monday, what did you do?
To be called a day so blue!
Laugh on, Friday! It won’t last long –
If I work on a Saturday – like Thursday, you’ll jus’ tag along!

No other day has feelings so true
Like my dear Monday, oh so blue!
I won’t curse you, will find no fault
For my first poem came from your vault!

Phew! Finally. I agree it’s nothing compared to masterpieces by other fellow bloggers, but hey, I have to start somewhere right? And my thoughts about Monday have undergone a change – I haven’t started loving it, but I think I have found a soft spot for it after all!

Looks like Monday brings out the budding poet in me! Weird!

Particles, Jottings, Sparks

parttago

My friends find it weird that I read poetry like I read novels. I still haven’t found an answer to give to them as to why I do that. Maybe my incapacity to write one makes me read ’em. Yeah, I think that’s the reason.

I was reading from ‘Particles, Jottings, Sparks’ – a collection of brief poems of Rabindranath Tagore. And it has me spell-bound. Some verses are my favorites – I keep reading them over and over again. To me, it gives a whole new perspective to everyday things and it’s a whole new joy altogether when these lines just pop up into my head when I see a sunset or the moon!

Some ‘particles’ –

Let’s shut the door to block out sin!
“Then how”, says Truth, “shall I get in?”

Mud, you sully everyone’s purity.
But doesn’t that simplly make YOU dirty?

Weeping at night won’t bring back the sun,
And it makes the light of the stars seem vain.

Work and rest belong to each other –
Like eye and eyelid linked together.

Some ‘Jottings’ –

God desires to wear
A garland made by mankind;
Which is why his own basket of flowers
Is left in the lap of the soil
For us to find.

In my thorns, my errors lie,
Not in my flowers.
Let the thorns, my darling, be mine:
The flowers are yours.

Those flowers of dawn that have gone,
Deserting the day’s light,
At dusk come back again,
Dressed as the stars of the night.

Let go of what must go!
It will cause you hurt
If you do not open the door
To let it out.

And some ‘Sparks’ –

A sunflower:
Earth’s picture
Of the rising sun.
Not fully pleased,
Picture erased,
With a new sunflower
Earth tries again.

With the past’s pen in my hand
I write my name on the future.
Superimposed are the signatures
Of later writers.
In Time’s notebook the muddle
Of old and new combined:
A ceaseless scribble.

You might be wondering why I made a blog post out of this. I’ve always seen my blog as a bookmark to the things in my life that I want to go back and read about. Yeah, the floods too 😉 For the truly interested, poetry gives a lot of peace. Those moments when I’m reading them, there’s nothing else on my mind. It’s like pin-drop silence in my mind (which is otherwise a cacophony of noises!) with nothing but the poem reverberating through it. That, folks, has to be felt, not read about.

Floods

flood-s

I flooded my apartment today. Seriously. I’m not kidding. There was toe-deep water in the hall, the dining hall, the guest bedroom and the entrance of the master bedroom. My cleaning lady had left already so guess who did the water works? Yours truly, ofcourse. 😦

If you’d care to listen, let me tell you how it happened –

Saturday, in my home, is the day of the washing machine. I have a fully automatic, front loading washing machine (white color, if you must ask) – seems it was bought to make my work easier. Yeah right.

I put all the clothes inside the machine. Next, I plugged in the washing machine. I then connected the inlet pipe to the tap (we do not have a permanent connection for the inlet) and turned the tap on – water will start gushing into the machine the moment I turn it on. Now, this is where you should pay attention, ‘coz apparently, I did not. The outlet pipe has to be at a height of atleast 2 ft from the level of the washing machine, so I generally place it inside the wash basin. Generally I do. Today I did not. I went ahead and added the washing powder (Surf Excelmatic – stop asking irrelevant questions! Oh wait, this is totally relevant – wait and see) and set the appropriate wash cycle. I switched the machine on and hit the ‘Start’ button. And I went into the kitchen to check on the cauliflower curry.

Time elapsed: 3 minutes. By now, I should have heard the rumble of the clothes tumble. I did not and I didn’t notice it either. Stirred the curry and decided to see whats on TV – enter dining hall and I heard something synchronous with my steps – splat splat..spl-aa-t! Water water everywhere and no, you wouldn’t want to drink it. Since the outlet was still on the floor, all the water entering the washing machine simply went out the outlet! Rushed to the washing machine (almost falling in the process) and switched it off, realized the outlet pipe issue and yanked it from behind the machine and pushed it into the wash basin! Phew! Close!

It wasn’t close. It was way beyond close. I walked into the guest bedroom and saw that the water had reached the corner diagonally opposite to the door – which means the entire room was flooded. Not just any water mind you – Surf Excelmatic water! The one where all you have to do is place your foot lightly and let you body go – and see yourself win the figure skating championship at the Torino Winter Olympics. It was not as bad in the hall – just one long strip from the main door till the dining hall entrance. The dining hall itself was half flooded. Thankfully, my teak-wood dining table was spared.

After cursing myself and the washing machine with some choicest expletives, I spent the better part of 2 hours in flood relief measures.

And I almost burnt the cauliflower curry – hey, hold your horses, I said almost! I had the best lunch ever – there’s no better accompaniment to food than hunger.

Customer Care?

Scene: Me calling up my mobile service provider regarding an SMS I received about National Roaming enabled on my account. The last time they enabled roaming automatically and charged me Rs.49 every month for it! So this time I wanted to make sure there was no ‘hidden’ charges for this roaming.

CustomerCare Voice: Welcome to ****** ***, you’re anytime anywhere Customer Service. Our menu options have been changed to serve you better. Please listen CAREFULLY before making your choice.
Me: *smirking* (What the heck! CAREFULLY? Else what will happen? I’ll end up making the wrong choice and actually talk to a person who can help? %#$@ )
Voice: For information about your account, press 1. For information about ******, press 2. For informat…
Me: *presses 1 before the previous thing could complete* (I’m busy!)
Voice: For billing information, press 1. For activating or deactivating a value added service, press 2.
Me: *waiting for option to talk to customer rep, didnt get any, so press 1*
Voice: To activate a service, press 1. To deactivate a service press 2…
Phone: *Ping* ‘Attention, battery low’ displayed on screen
Me: !$#@% *press 9* (It takes like 20,000 years to get to the 9th option, so..jus’ go right ahead and press 9.) *expecting a non-automated voice saying Hi hello*
Voice: If your query is billing related, press 1. If it is…
Phone: *ping ping ping* Sounds like a death knell to me!
Me: *presses 1* (It’s the wrong choice (my query is not billing related)! I didn’t listen ‘CAREFULLY’. What’re you gonna do? Sue me or send me to english class? !$#@)
Lady: Good Morning, this is ABC here, how may I assist you?
Me: Hi ABC, this is Priya calling from XYZ. I just got an SMS saying my National Roaming has been enabled. I wanted to confirm if it’s free or if I’ll be charged for it every month.
Lady: Can I have your phone number please?
Me: Phone number? *thinks: no caller ID!!! O for cryin’ out loud!!* 9999999999
Lady: Hello? Ma’am your voice is breaking up, I can’t hear you properly.
Me: Yeah right, this is your network I’m using – you didn’t know that?
Lady: Ma’am, can you do something about it? I can’t hear you.
Me: What the bl**** heck! YOU do something about it ma’am – you’re the service provider – you provide this network to me! How will I be able to do anything!!
Phone: *piiiiiiiiiiiing* blank screen

Just another day in the life of a ‘customer’.