Something you could try out if you’re bored and feeling adventurous at the same time. I wish I could try these sometime – maybe I will when I don’t need my job anymore!
Disclaimer: Me not responsible for the repurcussions if these are tried by the readers.
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes. Then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain that you can’t get the damn thing to work. After it has been turned on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
6. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
7. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
8. Bring a chainsaw, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say “Just in case…” mysteriously.
9. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
10. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray “Ohplease ohplease ohplease ohplease,” and scream “YES!” when it finishes.
11. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
12. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
13. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
14. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to your manager and complain about the bad working conditions.
15. Bring som dry ice. Make it look like your computer is smoking.
16. Attempt to eat your computer’s mouse.
17. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
18. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
19. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the place.
20. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
21. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it’s the computer and look really lost.
22. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work.
23. Run into office, shout “Armageddon is here!!!!!”, then calmly sit down and begin to type.
24. Stare at the person’s next to yours screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say “You did that?” loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
25. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell “COVEEEEERRRRRR!” peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. “Oh, good. It worked this time,” and calmly start to type again.
26. Borrow someone else’s keyboard by reaching over, saying “Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?”, unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
27. Laugh hysterically, shout “You will all perish in flames!!!” and continue working.
28. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn’t affected). Then look at your neighbor’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: “Does *your* delete key work?” Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you’ve deleted about a page of your neighbor’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim: “Well, whaddya know? I’ve been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn’t deleting Ha!” Print out your document and leave.
If you haven’t even smiled once after reading the above – you need to see a shrink! Trust me.