When you’re in a bar…

Yanked off the internet –

In a bar…

1. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
2. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
3. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
4. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
5. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
6. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
7. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
8. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
9. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
10. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
11. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.
12. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
13. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot”.
14. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
15. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
16. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you’re hammered and they’re sober. It’s akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you’re wrong and either way you’re going to come off as a jackass.
17. If there is a line for drinks, get your drink and step the hell away from the bar.
18. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing. I.E. urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

FYI – I don’t booze. I have never set foot in a bar (I don’t intend to either). The above is just something I read and found interesting/funny.


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