The Chair or the Bed?

I’m a very accident prone person (I can see my mom and my husband nod their heads, hee hee). A day doesn’t go by when I haven’t cut, nicked, scratched, scalded, tripped or hit myself atleast once. My husband feels I’ve never learned to walk. And sadly, I might have to agree. It’s not that I like getting hurt – c’mon, I hate getting hurt. It hurts! I just don’t know why it always happens to me!

My latest includes getting scalded by boiling water, bruised my elbow on a sharp edge of the table, cut my finger chopping onions (this is the best – the onions were making my eyes water, so I was actually cutting the onions with my eyes closed!! Now you know why I’m accident prone) and hit my little toe on the unseen corner of the bed (if my toe had a its way, it would walk right out of my foot).

I have to say, my family has been very supportive in this aspect. 2 years back if I told my husband that I cut my finger, all hell would break loose – in a good way though. Now – I’ll be happy if he even looked up from reading the newspaper. Kidding – hell breaks loose even now, but its a different kind of hell where I first get scolded for being careless, then for using the wrong knife and then for not doing something after I got cut. I don’t blame him, he’s a darling when it comes to putting up with me. If I were him, I would put myself in a protective bubble and go around bouncing.

I was trying to analyse why it happens with me – my family truly deserves an answer to this one, what say? So let’s see…it could either be the way I walk around the house or..get this, it could be that all the furniture in the house is scheming against me! >:-) I like the furniture answer better. Let’s go with that for a minute – now, why would all the furniture hate me? I’m a good person, aren’t I? I don’t mess with them (unless I go hit myself against them that is).

These things probably have a mind of their own. There’s even a word for that in english – resistentialism. Definition: It’s a theory declaring that inanimate objects display hostile or negative behavior towards human beings. I’m not kidding people!! It was coined by a humorist, Paul Jennings, in an article called ‘Report on Resistentialism’. His slogan – ‘Things are against us’. I know exactly what he’s talking about! The furniture in my house is most definitely against me.

Now that I know the reason for my accidents, where do I find the proof? I mean, unless I actually see my sofa and my bed talk to each other about how to hurt me, I cannot possibly ask my husband to believe that the furniture is the culprit, right? He would try to find a good psychiatrist for me (I have a feeling he’s started to find one already). Maybe I should put my Hercule Poirot cap and find that out. It might take a lot of grey cells to get this one right, but I’m not giving up – even if it means more hits and bruises and cuts and burns!

I wonder which one it is – the chair or the bed? It could also be the pressure cooker, but that happened just once. My hunch – the chair or the bed. Which one? Think think…

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